just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
