By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
