i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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