woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
