Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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