just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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