If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
