I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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