shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
