who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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