sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
