I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
