dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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