before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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