you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
