If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
