so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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