I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
