We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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