Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
