maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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