whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
