a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
