The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize