if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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