first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
