The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
