Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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