went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He better not be in your backpack
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
