it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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