im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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