She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
