Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
