I wish my penis had an off switch
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
