its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
