I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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