forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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