I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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