Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
