it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
