We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
