we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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