when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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