I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize