just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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