i was born a porn star she said
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
