That's when you crack a 10am beer
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
