Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
