I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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