I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
