on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize