do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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