I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
