The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
