I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
