my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
