So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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