chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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