Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
