theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
