Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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