A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
