Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
