wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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