smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
