What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
