easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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