so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
