at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
