We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
