Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
