i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
