an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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