he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize