DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
